How to murder your department

I used to work in a different department on the same campus. We were tops; more research grants, more PhD students, more publications than any other unit in our college. We attended graduation together, watched the Super Bowl together, and, when threatened by outsiders, defended ourselves and each other with loyalty and absolute sincerity. But in a period of about five years, we went from a powerhouse department to a scattered band of former colleagues. For years, I have joked that when I retired I would write the story of how it happened, but it would have to be disguised as a murder mystery.

Today's prompt was to turn all or part of a story into a list. So here is mine:

Don't worry; it's not entirely true, and if you think you are on the list, you aren't.

For the faint of heart, a word of reassurance:

Academic murder isn't real murder. 

And a caution for everyone: this works for killing other social groups, too.